Did the heyday of cruising pass me by?

[This article appeared on my Substack]

By the end of this article you’ll think I’m a complete snob. That’s OK! I have become a snob about cruising. It’s very expensive and why would I want to shell out a fortune to spend two weeks with a bunch of drunk oiks?

I’ve been cruising for 30 years, over 20 cruises in all. It was easy living in Southampton where we were two miles from the port. Our neighbour used to take us in his posh car wearing his Salvation Army hat and security bods took him for a chauffeur and waved him down the Important People line. It was a fun way to start a cruise. 

We’ve moved now (I miss hearing the ships…) but we’re only 40 minutes’ away. Some folk don’t like cruising from Southampton as they regard the few sea days before you get to the Med/Baltic/wherever as a waste of time. We don’t. Those days are for chilling and doing nothing. Not that there’s anything wrong with the activities; I just can’t move myself to go line dancing at what my body considers to be Stupid O’clock. When you’re both working long hours and you’re exhausted, the enforced doing nothing for a couple of days is a blessing.

So, cruising has been convenient for us. 

There are three things that are messing it up:

The overall drop in standards. 

Covid was disastrous for the cruise lines. Almost three years with very little cashflow and the massive costs of keeping the ships going. But it’s been six years now. They should have got over it. What has happened instead is lines like P & O have gone ‘cheap and cheerful’, except they’re not cheap and some of the many cuts certainly removed the cheer.  There are less staff which means less friendly banter at dinner, no chatting to the steward when he brings you your drink. That’s rather sad.

The glue that held traditional lines like P & O together was the staff. Many from the same towns who had followed their fathers into the business. That ended with the pandemic as the long serving staff had to go home, deal with the horrors of the pandemic and home and rebuild their lives.

We’ve given up on P & O completely. The Ventura in 2024 was Chav City. Fashionable wear by the pool was what my Mum used to call “String up the jacksie” bikinis. Not exactly classy (told you I was a snob!). Kids were allowed to run around everywhere including the adults only pool and the gym (which was very dangerous given the heavy equipment in there). The staff did nothing.

The P & O killer for me, though, was the lack of gluten free fare in the restaurants. Not just the lack but the generally shambolic way they provided it, if at all. I have another article on this but basically there would be four choices one day then nothing the next. How is that helpful?

The End of Formal Nights?

Now, some people love dressing up for formal nights. I certainly do. It’s not just about dressing up. Behaviour is different. Everything is more elegant somehow.

Some people hate it. That’s fine too. 

Some ships have formal nights, some are very casual. They make it clear which they are in their websites and brochures. See that picture of the shiny, happy couple (nearly always white, always boy-girl, though some marketing people have a token attempt at diversity) on the deck looking at the sunset? He’s wearing a DJ and bow tie. She is sporting sequins. Clue – that’s a ship with formal nights!

Here’s the problem: There’s a large cohort of the ultra-thick who don’t choose the appropriate ship. Instead, they get on a ship with formal nights then make a big fuss about “I’m on holiday and can do what I like” and start insisting the ships don’t have formal nights. In the end they win. Cruising is dragged down with them. The rest of us lose our formal nights. And the cruise lines lose our business.

It’s an unnecessary problem, in my view. And who, by the way, is bringing up their sons to believe it’s OK to wear baseball caps in a restaurant?

I might choose to travel on a casual ship, especially if I’ve been brave enough to travel by train or plane either end of the cruise, but I certainly don’t want to have the choice of formal nights taken away from me.

The Drinks Packages

On a recent cruise we were on “freedom dining”. We prefer sitting with the same people each evening (though that can have problems of its own) but on this cruise we’d booked too late for that. Freedom dining worked out fine, we had no trouble getting a table and got in with the people we were sitting with,  who often turned out to be the same people we’d previously dined with, not surprisingly since we were turning up at the same time. “Not you again!” is the often hear joke in the dining room. 

It was all fine. But one evening we arrived last at the table for eight and had not met the people before. In front of one lady there was a pyramid of empty wine glasses and three full glasses. I had no clue what this was about and asked, “Is this some kind of game?” She was not amused and hissed, “I have the drinks package”. Note to self: “Find out later what this is about. Do not start ruck at dinner table.”

Here’s how it works: You get x number of drinks (up to 25 on some cruises) but usually a 15 minute gap is required between drinks. So the lady at our table had the waiter trained to keep bringing glasses of wine - every ten minutes as some strange time system was being used. The pyramid got larger and larger. I don’t know why the waiter didn’t remove them. Maybe he was trying to make a point.  Who needs a dozen glasses of wine at dinners, or indeed any time?

You will see passengers with drinks packages obsessed with getting value for money. They will miss out on trips ashore in order to sit in the bar all day. The result? A ship full of obnoxious drunks. How delightful. What a great way to spend our limited holiday budget.

I don’t NOT drink. I like a glass of wine or a cocktail or a Pimm’s by the pool.  I probably wouldn’t even do all three of those in a day or I’d fall over. I once had a steward come up to me and say “Madam, it’s time for your Pimm’s”. “Oh, so it is, yes please”. There might be a  scrapbook page of that…

More and more cruise lines are offering drinks packages. When some do it, they all have to. The packages are expensive but they’re the kind of thing they offer deals on when the sail date gets close and they’re panicking about filling the ship. Fred Olsen, now one of our preferred lines, have changed to offering wine and beer during meals. All very civilized but wait until you can’t get a table in the buffet because one group are spinning out their lunch by getting another pudding every now and then…

Proof of cocktails:

So what do we do about future cruises?

We’re about to try the QM2. I despair at the Facebook group full of “We always have a suite for our world cruise” snobs and entitled – dare I day it – American who are surprised and, indeed, offended to discover that Southampton is not in London. I’m lurking for possible info about the best places to spend the evening. I’m not joining in. Really, I must not join in and say what I think….

We have an 18 day cruise with Fred Olsen in the work. Full review of our last cruise with them, including the sex Olympics in the adjoining cabin, coming shortly.

Then I don’t know. I’m toying with the idea of grown-up interrailing. I didn’t enjoy it that much when I was a student back in 1978. Grotty youth hostels and stingy boyfriend not wanting to spend any money were not my thing. We’ll see…